This Is About Regret

victoria-hallPhotograph: Viktoria Hall-Waldhauser

We are an oxymoron of the finite and the infinite. Faced with finite actions from infinite possibilities. Faced with finite decisions from an infinity of potential repercussions. Living finite eternities in an infinite universe.

And sometimes we find ourselves living in between the echelons of the two extremities. Living in between perceived certainty and uncertainty. Living with the repercussions of actions we wish we could take back. Wishing we could choose again from one of the other infinities. Living in echelons we call regret.

Reverberating in a vicious cycle of could have and would have beens. Falling into fallacies and creating perceived outcomes. Living them out because they are what we thought we would get. Haunted by the remains of inaction and the ghosts of possibility.

Sometimes we let those ghosts entrap us from repeating what we once did. From the failures and disappointments. From the uncertainties and insecurities. Because we once reached and wished we never took the journey.

Because we aren’t meant to repeat the same mistake twice. Because we’ve come to fear our own intuition.

But you did it. For whatever reason, you chose what you chose from an infinity of possibilities.

Every other thing could have been any other thing. Every other path could have led to any other destination.

The irony in fearing mistakes is that it forces us to make more. It forces us to reverberate in uncertainty. It forces us to live in sheer self-doubt.

And sometimes, even worse than that, it forces us to confine ourselves to comfortability. We lose out on so much more because of our fear to lose out on what we never had to begin with.

If anything, let the same fear that tells you everything that could go wrong motivate you to see what could go right.

Appreciate where you are at this very moment. Appreciate how every facet of your past and present has created the person you are today. Appreciate all those things that aren’t worth appreciating because that ultimately gives you the room to grow.

At the end of the day, it’s always better to live with the knowledge that we gave everything than to live with the idea that we could give more.

And when we live in the presence of self-confidence rather than self-doubt we give ourselves the opportunity to trust our own intuition. To understand that we can’t make any mistakes because everything serves a purpose. To understand that we can’t take wrong paths because we end up exactly where we need to be. To understand that the lines between right and wrong decisions are abstract. That each experience is a facet of growth and self-understanding.

You are an evolving canvas. Composed of everything painted upon it. Composed of an oxymoron of misplaced and masterful strokes. But ultimately, a canvas that is only painted by the strokes that are taken to begin with.



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